How to express your condolences to someone else in grief

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How to express your condolences to someone else in grief

Postby CielOnTap on Sat Oct 01, 2016 10:03 am

The death of someone known to you can make one uncertain or uncomfortable in expressing the words "death" or "died" to a relation of the deceased. The New York Times has an article about how to express your condolences with advice from police to others who have been on the receiving end of condolences that did not quite console the bereaved.

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/02/style/how-to-express-sympathy.html?partner=rss&emc=rss&smid=tw-nytimes&smtyp=cur
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Re: How to express your condolences to someone else in grief

Postby Speak-Ez on Sat Oct 01, 2016 6:33 pm

.

I think I better apologize to Mr. Bruce Feiler. He wrote that he has been making money for almost thirty years at this business of writing — "professional writer for almost thirty years" is what I use to make that number — but Mr. Feiler doesn't write so well. Or should that be he doesn't write so good. Well or good? How about both. Or we — NO, I better not start on such words that indicate a smell — you know, like stink.

Okay, let's get something straight right off, I ain't no professional writer. No way. BUT I have been on this planet Earth since somebody dropped me here about many decades ago and I gotta state that Mr. Feiler needs to upgrade his ideas about life.

A card? Since when does somebody use a card to write some kind words about a death to the immediate famiy, relatives, maybe friends?

I'm sorry, Mr. Feiler, you be using a card and you be showing disrespect right off. No way. You use some regular paper. Plain and simple. You don't be using no fancy cards when a death is close to you. If it ain't close to you, you ain't got no right to write anything.

Now that is the starting point, Mr. Feiler.

Next is this amazing line that came off the tips of your professional fingers:

"For those who are inexperienced or out of practice in comforting someone in grief, ..."


Holy cow, buddy!

If somebody has experience or lots of practice — well, there be something very wrong or so sad if they are ordinary folk and they got lots of practice at this grieving business.

And that's it, isn't it? if you are not grieving in some way, you probably don't have any business writing anything to anyone, unless it is in some professional capacity.

Maybe, Mr. Feiler, some of us folks out here in the normal world might get the feeling your New York Times professional article is a really slick advertisement for the card industry and that one company in particular you made note of in your article.

Did you use the word "respect" anywhere in your article, Mr. Feiler?

I have to ask, because after I saw that line about — heh, let me quote it:

"One mark of this change is in the card industry."


That line was a sort of red flag and I started to think that I could find a better place on the Net to get ideas about writing things related to somebody getting all dead and stuff.

Oh yes, and then I did a quick look down at the bottom and saw this:

"Continue following our fashion and lifestyle coverage on Facebook"


Now that is pretty neat, eh? Getting all dead is some kind of fashion and lifestyle thing, eh? I kind of like that part, Mr. Feiler. Getting dead is a lifestyle change and it requires a new think on fashion. Yep, I've got to take some time to think about that.

Later, I'll go back to your article, Mr. Feiler, and see if I can find the word "respect" in it. I just couldn't finish it, as I wrote above. Sorry about that.

.
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Re: How to express your condolences to someone else in grief

Postby CielOnTap on Sun Oct 02, 2016 12:27 pm

Sympathy cards did at one time have a black border on the envelope front to signify their contents were of sympathy to the recipients. They are hard to find in card departments but printing firms probably will make custom stationery if someone wishes to have a supply of such stationery on hand at home.

I do find expressing sympathies in person to a deceased's kin or closest friends somewhat difficult if the deceased and I were not close. The folks standing in the receiving line or sitting up front at a funeral home viewing probably needed their own fortifications prior to taking their public stations to receive visitors.
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